The Alchemy of Tenderness

Tenderness. The word itself evokes a sensation of care and safety. Subtle yet potent, it is, in my opinion, precisely what we, as a species, are most in need of right now.

American poet and essayist Jane Hirshfield wrote, “Tenderness does not choose its own uses. It goes out to everything equally.” In this light, tenderness is more than an emotion; it’s an orientation, an emotional positioning, and ultimately, a choice. It’s the decision to move beyond the ego’s dictate to condemn, judge, and divide, and instead, to offer presence and love. When seen in this way, tenderness becomes not just a virtue, but a deeply human and necessary response — one that brings us closer to ourselves, but more importantly, to one another.

It’s not difficult to sense that we are living with a deeply distressed nervous system at a species level. The chronic stream of troubling news has become a near-constant presence in many of our lives, often leaving us feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and hardened. We absorb “the weight of the world,” and in attempting to manage such widespread rupture and pain, we ourselves become ruptured. Primed for survival, we’ve overinvested in our defence mechanisms, suspicions, and judgments. However, in doing so, we become disconnected from both our own wholeness and the humanity of others.

There is no easy fix for the crisis humanity now faces. More than a problem, what we are confronted with is a predicament. Author and mystic Caroline Myss uses the word “predicament” to describe conditions that mirror a deeper truth, often spiritual in nature, that require a shift in our inner landscape. A problem can be solved with logic or strategy. A predicament, however, asks us to reconsider our beliefs, values, and way of being. Through that lens, what becomes clear is that what humanity needs is a profound reorientation toward Self and one another; an orientation rooted in love.

Healing is rarely easy, but it can be simple, and while I don’t purport to have any easy answers, I will offer this: try tenderness. Ease up on certainty and trade a few strong opinions for a little curiosity. Choose connection over being right. And perhaps, when you’re ready, offer forgiveness — first to others, and then to yourself.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a constant attitude.” And doesn’t the same is true for tenderness? It’s not a reaction — it’s a choice. And right now, it may be one of the most restorative choices we can make in healing the soul of humanity.

Lay down your grievances, dear friends. Choose love. Teach peace. Seek out a tender moment, and as Billy Joel wisely advises, leave that tender moment alone. Each of us is way more than the worst things we’ve ever said or done. Let us remember that and, more importantly, let us remind one another.

Humanity is not merely fraying at the edges — we are burning. And yet we cannot afford the weight of despair. Resist the urge to fixate on your brother’s guilt and instead, remember this: “The holiest of all the spots on earth are where an ancient hatred has become a present love” (A Course in Miracles).

We’re here for one reason, my sisters and brothers: we’re here to remember love.

And when we do, the light has come. Let us usher it in together.

The Encouragement of Light

Today, I begin with Rumi…

How did the rose ever open its heart
And give to this world all its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light against its being.
Otherwise, we all remain too frightened.

I share these four exquisite lines because in them, Rumi offers us not just poetry but a map to our own Soul. In order for the rose to come into her full expression, she needed to feel loved, seen, and nurtured. She needed the light of encouragement (that gentle push from the universe) and the grace of understanding. Essentially, what she needed was to know that she mattered. And the same holds true for each of us.

As many of you know, my teachings are deeply rooted in practices that encourage personal empowerment. The empowerment I am most passionate about however, is not one of external achievement or superficial power. It is sacred empowerment — a profound inner strength that arises from living in alignment with our highest values and deepest truths. At its core, sacred empowerment is the practice of integrity, which calls us to embody our truest selves in thought, word, and deed. It is about cultivating the courage to honor our own inner wisdom while navigating the world with grace and authenticity.

To live in true integrity, we must cultivate a healthy sense of self — one that honors our lived experience and inner truth. Without this foundation, we risk surrendering our power to the shifting judgments and often unconscious criticisms of others. As Dr. Wayne Dyer wisely stated, “We must learn to become independent of the good opinion of others,” and, by extension, their negative judgments as well. Who we are is not something to be bartered or diluted for the sake of acceptance. Each of us is here with a sacred purpose, a contract written into our very being. And like the rosebud, we are whole and perfect in our own unique unfolding.

And yet, as Rumi’s rose reminds us, she could only fully express herself when she felt safe, held by the steady presence of light. It was not force that brought her into bloom but tenderness and trust. In much the same way, our own growth depends on compassion and understanding. Like the rose, we require a sense of inner safety to soften, unfold, and show up fully. And while receiving kindness and compassion from others is undoubtedly nourishing, its most transformative power emerges when we learn to offer those same graces to ourselves. This is what creates the space for healing, for growth, and for remembering the truth of who we are.

For many of us, however, offering ourselves the same compassion and acceptance we so readily extend to others can feel unfamiliar, if not uncomfortable. But self-love is not a singular moment; it's a gradual unfolding. It often begins with something as simple as paying attention to the way we speak to ourselves, and over time, this awareness can grow into a more supportive and respectful relationship with who we are. As Louise Hay once said, “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

So, my (light) encouragement for each of you is to commit to finding ways that honor your own unique expression without the impulse to judge or criticize. “Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Start small if you have to, but commit to staying a few steps ahead of the usual doubt and criticism. And if it catches up, simply turn around, acknowledge it, and then dismiss it with grace. This is the practice of integrity — this is the light of your own encouragement.

May the light reach you, and may you know how valuable you are.

With encouragement,
Amber

Survival of the Kindest

Today I feel compelled to speak on the nature of kindness as an antidote to the way in which we, as a species, have allowed vengeance, judgment and attack to “lead us into temptation,” and often with dangerous consequences. When we forget who we are, namely to one another, we transfer dominion from the heart to the ego, which, as A Course in Miracles warns, “is insidious at best, and vicious at worst.” We see this viciousness playing out across leadership and media, where the normalization of retribution has become as widespread as it is dangerous. We have grown casual in our cruelty, entitled to demean, provoke, and shame, and these are perilous waters. The soul of humanity is in need of great repair, and that repair begins with a simple yet profound choice: to practice and remember kindness first. In truth, our survival depends on it.

As a mother of two young daughters, few things move me more than witnessing their shared moments of kindness and tenderness. While kindness must be taught and modeled, it is also something deeply instinctual, providing a sense of safety and connection — the foundation upon which trust is built. Without kindness, it is difficult to trust, and without trust, there is no relationship. My daughters somehow understand this instinctively, which then begets the question: Why have so many of our leaders forgotten?

Kindness is more than a fleeting gesture; it is an orientation of the heart. It is marked by generosity, consideration, concern for others, and the rendering of assistance. It is curious rather than judgmental, tender as opposed to harsh, and intentional instead of reactive. Kindness is warm, soft, and embracing. Each of us knows the grace of receiving an act of kindness, especially in a moment of despair. It steadies us, fortifies our spirit, and restores our faith, not only in others, but in ourselves and in love itself.

Right now, dear friends, humanity is in despair. We have forgotten who we are, forgotten that all of life breathes together — lest it bleed together. And we are bleeding. And so, how do we, as individuals, shore up this haemorrhage? We start by not betraying ourselves, which means extending kindness first to our shadow, that aspect of self we normally bathe in ridicule and condemnation. “Compassion that doesn’t include the Self is incomplete,” teaches the Buddha. The more capacity we have to bring the grace of kindness to ourselves, the more capable we are of extending it to others. And the inverse is also true.

"I would see you as my friend, that I may remember you are part of me and come to know myself," teaches A Course in Miracles. Let this be a mantra — not just toward others but toward yourself. “I would see you as my friend” is transformative. If you don’t believe me, try it. Stand before a mirror, meet your own gaze, and extend this kindness upon yourself. “I would see you as my friend.” Watch as resistance softens into quiet appreciation. Watch how you soften. This is kindness in action, and this is the salve the world needs right now.

Healing is a process, it is not an event. It is a return rather than a destination. You are already whole, complete, precious and necessary. And please hold this last part steady in your consciousness, because it is important: You are necessary — necessary to the healing of humanity, necessary to your brothers and your sisters, necessary to your children, and necessary to life.

“We’re all just walking each other home,” reminds the great sage and teacher, Ram Dass. We are all just walking each other home, and the healing is the return. My hand in yours, yours in mine, life breathing together.

Please remember kindness on this journey — our survival might just depend on it. .

Remembering Who You Are

This post is long overdue, possibly overthought, yet hopefully received with the intention that inspired it - to touch your heart space in humble gratitude for taking the time to be here now, and to remind you of who you are. So much of my intention around MotherNidra rests in the spirit of community. I genuinely believe we do not heal in isolation, nor could we even if we tried. We heal together. Recognition, accountability, forgiveness, and refrain, typically involve another. So too do surrender, prayer and grace. And if the “greatest gift we can give humanity is a healed life,” then we owe it to one another to pursue, and support, this quest. And that is what this community is dedicated to.

In engaging with students, clients and my own interior world, I’m recognizing more and more issues rooted in and around self-worth. And while many of us are genuinely committed to lifestyles, rituals and routines dedicated to wellness and self-betterment, we often avoid the very real call to meet ourselves with compassion and love. And yet, as the Buddha so clearly reminds us, “Compassion, that doesn’t include the Self, is incomplete.”

I'm curious about the deeper reasons why we negate this aspect of our healing yet also recognize the deep vulnerability and courage it demands. To sit with oneself means to become intimate with both our light and our shadow. The role of the “miracle worker” asks that we bring shadow to light, and recognize fear as a call to love. The willingness to do so is foundational to the cultivation of self-worth because it's essentially saying, "All aspects of self are worthy, or else I wouldn't be here now." Often it is the things we despise most about ourselves that hold the deeper cues to our own humanity - and when we meet them, in grace, we touch that very precious stone called humility. And from that place, we can move mountains.

With this in mind, I've decided to dedicate this year to Self-Worth. While I understand how layered and complex this issue is for so many of us, I also believe this is what we've been journeying toward our entire lives. Why? Because it brings us home. You are worthy because you are here. You are holy because you are standing on hallowed ground. You are enough because God breathed life into you. The scripture is written within your blood and bones. There is no off-planet God who looks like us. But there is You, floating within the breath of the divine. And that is enough. You are enough.

Robert Holden asks, "Who would you be if you weren't judging yourself?" Take a second with that. Why does this make me weep? How have we so forgotten the fundamental essence of who we are? And why do we continue to outsource so much of our sense of worth onto the opinions of others and then layer whatever scraps are left with so much self-judgment and ridicule? Can you see how this “forgetting” is a betrayal of Self and how it is this chasm (self/Self, self/other) that has perpetuated and continues to perpetuate so much harm and violence? Far too many of us have sat at the altar of illusion for too long, and now we are thirsty for something else. But while healing is simple, it's not easy. It means we must be willing to see things differently - and that begins with how we see ourselves. 

A Course in Miracles teaches us that "there are no neutral thoughts." There is only loving thought and unloving thought. One brings peace, the other war. One places us at the altar of Truth, the other Illusion. As so perhaps a good starting point in the cultivation of self-worth is to begin by cleaning up our thoughts and respecting our psychic pain as a cue to reset our thinking. Free will grants us the ability to do so through the power of choice. And if there are no neutral thoughts, because all thoughts are generative, then it's on us to choose. May you then, commit to meeting this new year with the courage to choose love - toward self, other and everything in between.

I'll close with Rumi because somehow, his words always suffice: 

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other”
doesn’t make any sense.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.”

I’ll meet you there,

Amber